Be Cool, Act Natural
by Noise Pollution
I feel out of place. Always. There is no situation in existence that I feel like I belong in.
I never know what I’m supposed to do with my hands. I don’t know what looks natural. Nothing feels natural. The closest thing to feeling natural is me nervously holding my hands together in front of me, but I’m aware of how weird that looks. When I look around, I see that most people have their hands in their pockets in some fashion. Every way that I try feels off. I try just putting my thumbs in my pockets, like that’s good enough, but I feel like it’s not. Putting both hands in my pockets makes me feel restrained, like I’m wearing a straight-jacket or something. I try my jacket pockets, but that feels wrong, too.
Rather than figure it out, I always end up switching between a bunch of different positions, and I look like a fucking lunatic.
I don’t know if I belong with people. I don’t fit in with people, I don’t like people, and people don’t like me. And most of all, I don’t know how to feel comfortable around them. The moment I become aware that there are other humans are present, no behavior comes naturally anymore.