by Noise Pollution

I had to go to a social event today. It was a memorial day picnic set up by my parent’s church. It’s all people I’ve met and spoken to on a relatively regular basis, but that didn’t make attending it any less difficult. Not to mention that the despicable fifteen-year-old girl who betrayed my little brother was there, and I always have an urge to walk up to her and just scream obscenities in her face until she cries and I get arrested. I don’t know, my brother has a hard time connecting with people on a deep level, and he got really close to her, and she got really attached to him, but when he got up the nerve to tell her about his depression and self-harming tendencies, (which are worse than mine) a drama switch flipped in her brain and she made the entire thing about her. I don’t know all the details, all I know is that the second my brother went out of his shell, this terrible girl stabbed him in the heart and turned all his friends against him. I could hit her, and I don’t hit people as a rule.

Once the picnic started, I found a quiet place in the park and played guitar by myself because I hate that girl and I hate small talk and there are marks on my arms and I didn’t want anyone to fucking talk to me about it. To their credit, nobody came up and tried to bother me, but that’s disheartening in its own way. I guess I’m contradicting myself though, I can’t have nobody talk to me and have people go out of their way to talk to me at the same time. I don’t know what I actually want. I think I want a fucking miracle. Like, someone I’ve never seen before to walk by and fall in love with me at first sight who also has a vacancy at an apartment and a job at some local place where the owner isn’t an asshole that expects too much from me. God, that’d be fantastic. Some people wish they’d win the lottery, but my wish is even more unlikely. It’s so fucking dumb.