My Stay at Seven East: Days Five and Six

by Noise Pollution

Days five and six were both pretty short, so I decided to put them together into one post so that I can conclude this “series” or whatever you want to call it. I managed to get out Tuesday, the 10th, so there’s no more after this one. I’m kind of glad to have it over with, as it’s going to force me to actually come up with things to talk about again, rather than just posting stuff I’ve already written elsewhere. Anyways, I guess I’ll see you on the other side.


I think it’s Sunday, June 8th, 2014

Morning group was actually really fucking good today. More people than usually actually showed up today, and everyone participated, myself included. I really feel like I’m getting better. I never thought that a this sort of place would work so well.


 

It’s a beautiful view

from my hospital room

but I’ve been thinking of you

since I got here.

And each day that goes by

I just keep myself alive

but I’ve been telling myself a lie

since I got here.

 

And it’s so easy now

but when I make it out

will you still carve yourself in my arms

and make me tear myself apart?


Pop-Punk Song

I’ve got nothing to say

about this anyway

so why don’t I get left alone?

 

I’ve got nothing to say

not to you, anyway

so why don’t you leave me alone?

 

Do I really want to be alone?

 

God dammit!

 

Fuck you.

If I were stable

I would kill you anyway

My mind is melting

out my skull, but I’m okay

If I could bury

this knife in your chest

and admire the red

falling off your breast

 

I’d be better off

I hate you

so much.

I’m better off, my god I

hate you

so much.

I’m better off

I miss you,

I hate you

so much.


In spite of that last song, I really am doing better.


I think it’s Monday, June 9th, 2014

The nurse told me today, “You know, even with all the shit you’ve been through, you’re one of the best kids I ever met.”

All I could manage to say back was, “Thank you.”

It meant a whole lot. I wish I was better at expressing it.


I should be getting out of here tomorrow. I’m so excited to eat terrible fast food and play guitar again. I’ve been itching to play since I got here.


I am getting out of here tomorrow for sure. I’m excited, excited like I haven’t been in a long time.


 

I’ve been quiet now

for eight years at least

I get so tired now

of being me

 

It’s not the drugs

I’m doing what I can

It’s not her love

or lack thereof that I don’t understand

It’s not some god above

that I’m afraid of, it’s just his plan

and after everything

don’t say that you’re the same

as I am.

 

You’re not the same

as I am.


Okay, that wraps it up. I’ll probably write up a post talking about my general experience tomorrow, so… There’s that, if you’re into it. [Might not be tomorrow. If I don’t write about something that I feel like writing about, it’ll come off as empty. I’ll wait until it feels right. That might be tomorrow, but probably not.]

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