Waking Up

by Noise Pollution

So I vomit in my mouth
I swallow whole
the last three words
coming out cold
the words I love you
stay inside
the rest of my pathetic life

so I
don’t want to die
tonight
just let me lie
here in my bed
til I am satisfied
all the pills I ate
to try to satiate myself
were my mistakes
and no one else
can take that away from me.

So I think about my stay
at Seven East
the words I meant,
I said the least
the marks that covered
up my arms
Keeping myself
from my self-harm
And think about the time
I spend unhappy

so I
don’t want to die
tonight
just let me lie
here in my bed
til I am satisfied
all the pills I ate
to try to satiate myself
were my mistakes
and no one else
can take that away from me.

I think about the room
that I could never pull myself away from
memories of you
poisonous gas that keeps my head and hands numb
Everything I do
is in the name of feeling so sad, so dumb
Everything’s so blue
and so off to the red room right where I belong

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