by Noise Pollution

I wrote another song. It’s about a lot of things. I’ll tell you more about them after you read it.

I tried to drown myself in you
til there was nothing left of me
there were these things we used to do
together, but now it’s only me

I lit a fire in your soul
let it burn and let you bleed
til it raged out of control
but I was the only casualty

and you told me
there was meaning
in losing
something you love
and you said one day
I’d be happy
and I won’t need it from

and I will probably never see
any good inside of me
when you held me underneath
suffocated everything
that I
wanted to be.

I walked a thousand yards away
as if that changes anything
I figured out I couldn’t stay
forever, but I guess it’s only me

and I watched the clouds roll underneath
saw the place I claimed to hate
get farther out of reach
but I can’t take back these mistakes

The man next me
was falling asleep
but he asked where
I was from
I told him, “Sir,
I think it’s nowhere
’cause home is where
you love someone,”
and so he asked
well, where am I going then
and I said, “Away
from everyone else,”
and he said, “Well young man
it doesn’t really matter
just learn to
love yourself

and you’ll be home.”

But I will probably never be
someone, something more than me
’cause when I wander down these streets
I wonder when I’ll finally cease
to breathe,
to be

I know there’s no good in me
don’t give me your sympathy
through these scars, underneath
lies nothing, but that is everything
that I
wanted to be.

It’s about a lot of things. It’s me coming to terms with both the good and the bad of my last relationship. It’s both me being bitter about how it ended and me admitting she was right, in a way. It’s a whole lot more of me being bitter about how it ended, though. I mean, being right, doesn’t make what happened right, and I think the way I worded the song gets that point across. At least, I hope it does. It’s me coming to terms with moving away fro my hometown. It’s me admitting that it was necessary and that I hated that place. But it’s not quite saying that I’m happy where I am. It’s just saying that I was miserable where I was. It’s also about my current confidence level, and how no amount of outside input or compliments or logic is going to be able to fix that. No amount of dumping me so I could learn to love myself is actually going to help me love myself. Goddammit, that was a really shitty excuse for cheating on me.

See, you can totally be right and also not right at the same time.

But anyways. This song is about that stuff, and a little bit more that I don’t really want to go into right now.

I guess feeling the need to go into detail explaining the meaning of the song makes me kind of a failure as an artist, but whatever. You lucky few who read my blog get special treatment. I’m not going to ask you to fucking guess or read my mind to know what I’m trying to say with a song.