Year In Review, I Guess?

by Noise Pollution

When I was at my support group last, we spent some time talking about how 2014 was for us, and our goals for the new year, and all of that obvious, somewhat generic stuff. I have this very distinct feeling that 2014 was a fucking terrible year, and yet I can’t point to any specific instances that would actually make it so. Sure, I wound up in the hospital, but that was a long time coming and my time in the hospital was generally a very positive experience. I also found this support group that I love, and made friends inside of it. Some fun stuff happened involving my nerdy hobbies, and I even wrote some music that I think I can be proud of.

So why was 2014 so fucking awful then?

I actually managed to sus it out while at my group. Maybe 2014 wasn’t a year where anything particularly terrible happened, but it was a year where I completely failed to get over what happened in 2013.

2013 was so completely godawful that it’s hard to put into words. I think I can safely call it the third worst year of my life. When you consider the fact that one of the two above it contained becoming permanently scarred after being burned in a housefire while the other consisted of a string of horrible experiences related to the divorce of my mother and her husband at the time, 2013 making it into the third spot is kind of a big deal. In 2013, I lost my girlfriend of three years to her cheating, went to jail, and had to move away from all of my friends and ideals that I had kept in my hometown.

2014, by comparison, is a big, fat nothing. It was an interim year, a year I spent fucking reeling from the ways in which my life broke the previous year. I didn’t lose anyone close to me. All the charges from that arrest were dropped completely. I even made some new friends, albeit friends that I am not nearly as close to. But I didn’t… I don’t know. I didn’t really move forward. I didn’t get over 2013. I didn’t get over Gnat. I still have nightmares about being arrested. All of that shit has haunted me last year.

So yeah, maybe 2014 wasn’t a bad year on it’s own. I just fell so fucking far in 2013 that I couldn’t climb back up at all last year. 2014 was just a year spent stuck in 2013.

On an unrelated note, this blog has over a hundred followers now. That’s pretty cool, right? I mean, I know that there’s actually only between eight and twelve people who actually read any of the posts I write, but that’s totally cool. Totally fair. I honestly only really read, like, six of the blogs I follow, and comment on even fewer. I just want to say that I appreciate anyone who took the time to read my ramblings, my songs, and my ridiculous introspection. It makes me feel like I’m not going through this entirely alone. And maybe I’m not.

I would like to see some more comments though, even if I do highly discourage disparaging comments on my blog. I know, I know, it seems totally shitty of me to ask you to be nice but also expect you to say something, but I’m just not an incredibly strong person. I am not someone who can take internet conversations lightly, and I’m not really writing this blog to stir up shit or anything. I have some issues, and I just won’t have much of an incentive to keep up with this thing if the feedback I get just intensifies them. I think it’s totally fair, but obviously I would. So yeah, if you have anything to add, or even don’t have anything to add, feel free to comment. Even a simple”I read this post” goes a long way, in my eyes. It makes you seem a little more real to me, and the idea of knowing that real people actually give a shit is really inspiring to me.

Anyways, here’s hoping I can climb a little higher than I did last year.