And Thus Ends Two Years of Passive Sobriety

by Noise Pollution

So, I went out last night. Like, actually out. With people.

I know, right?

I spent the day volunteering yesterday. I was running a booth to raise money for a specific charity that I am very close to. We actually had two groups; the group I was in was running a booth at one location, while another group was running a booth at an entirely different festival altogether. It was a positive experience, and afterwards our two groups met up and went out. Not this this was a large gathering. Each group actually only consisted of two people.

I had my first drink in two years last night. It was alright. I actually made an attempt to go a little overboard, but didn’t quite make it there. As it turns out, drinking is far more expensive at bars and restaurants than it is when you and your underage buddies all go in on a couple of bottles of Captain to drink secretly in somebody’s basement. So after spending about thirty bucks I decided it wasn’t worth it to go any further. And as I said earlier, it was alright! I didn’t get particularly drunk, as far as I could tell, but I was looser, less nervous, and felt a sense of clarity that I hadn’t felt in a while.

I mean, I was probably drunker than I thought I was, but at the same time, I’m a big guy and had a respectable tolerance for alcohol even before I put on this weight. It’s reasonable to think that I wouldn’t be able to go overboard without spending more money than I was comfortable spending. Anyways, I had legitimate conversations, made jokes that I would have probably not made sober, smoked probably close to an entire pack of cigarettes, and felt calm about all of it. It was nice. The hangover was mild, too, though I haven’t had a hangover in years so I haven’t been handling it very well.

I feel okay about this. It was nice to go out. It was nice to volunteer, too, obviously, but I’m not quite as distant from the concept of volunteering as I have been from the idea of going out as of late, so the going out had a stronger impact on me.

[Editor’s Note: What I mean by the term “passive sobriety” used in the title is that my sobriety wasn’t out of any dedication to the idea of being sober; it was more out of the fact that few opportunities to break it had come up, and the few that did seemed to take more effort than it was worth going through. Just some context, if you were worried that I’m, like, slipping, or something. I’m not.]