Something Simple, Something Sweet

by Noise Pollution

So, I have a small crush on someone.

A small one. Its not life-changing or earth-shattering or all-encompassing or any other dramatic phrase you can come up with, but it is there. And it’s more there than any of the other little crushes I’ve mentioned here before.

I mean, honestly, it’s just… nice. I like hanging out with her, but its not the end of the world when I don’t. I like talking to her, smoking cigarettes with her, and laughing with her, but it’s not something I need, the way I used to need it. I have no idea if she has any feelings resembling mine, and to be honest, I don’t really care. If she’s not into me, I’m still happy. This is the first romantic attraction I’ve had that feels entirely positive. There’s no worry when I’m not with her, no fear that she won’t like me, there’s none of that shit. I just like her and like being around her and find her incredibly attractive.

I’ve known her for a while now, but only recently started really feeling this way. I mean, I’ve obviously always found her attractive, but I’m long past the point in my life where finding someone attractive is the same as being attracted to them. I guess it was one little comment she made that got to me. It wasn’t even, like, a compliment or even really directed at me! She just mentioned how her ideal day involves hanging out at home rather than going out. Sure, hanging out at home might involve getting incredibly drunk or high or whatever, but she’d rather do that in her living room or bedroom than in a bar or at a party. For some reason, her saying that really hit me somewhere; I mean, I obviously feel similarly about the subject, but when she said that, it reminded me of all the other little things about her that I like. This one fact just sort of painted a more complete picture of her in my mind; and it was a really pretty picture.

And she does pay me compliments. They’re compliments I don’t deserve, but I can almost believe them when she says it. She doesn’t have any ulterior motives. She wouldn’t say anything nice if she didn’t mean it. I can just tell, or at least I think I can.

I just like her. She’s not bothered by my awkwardness, but not absorbed in it or obsessed with it the way my previous partners were. It’s just something that’s there and she works with it without feeling some constant need to tell me that it’s awesome. I don’t know exactly what it is about her that I like so much. She’s just very, very real and honest and I’m just happy to be around her. And if this doesn’t go anywhere in a romantic sense, that’s fine. She’s just cool and I like her and there’s no weirdness or strings attached. It feels good.