So Lucky

by Noise Pollution

You’re lucky

They said

It’s almost innocent

I’m lucky to have lived

The life I’ve lived

You’re lucky

They said

It’s only ignorance

The life that I have lived

And will live

But I haven’t slept

More than an hour

I’ve choked to death

A million times in my sleep

And when I dream

And I don’t often get to dream

I dream of people

Screaming at me.

Lucky!

So lucky!

Lucky to have somewhere to not sleep in

To complain of walking death

You must have curled up in your bed

And stayed aware

With all the things they said

Repeating as you stare

Into the dark, cold

Empty air

So I’m lucky then?

Lucky this night will never end.

You’re lucky

They said

They said.

But my darling

Left me crying

Full of smoke

I’m not denying

That.

But she fell out of love

And into love so fast

I don’t want to know

I didn’t ask.

But I’m lucky!

So lucky!

Lucky to have had her in the first place

To have ever loved and lost

You’ve had to have loved at all

So I’m lucky, then?

Maybe I was lucky then.

You’re lucky

They said

And I excuse the innocence.

But the smell of gasoline

It makes me scared

And every single scene

It only makes me self-aware

Of all my fucking ugliness

The scars all down my legs

And the ugliness reminds me

Of the fire.

But I’m lucky!

So lucky!

Lucky to have survived the flames

But fires leave so few remains

It’s just a memory of pain

Inside a scorched and blackened frame

So I’m lucky then?

Lucky for how long it’s been.

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