My Thoughts Are Pollution

Coming-of-age ramblings that don't mean much in the long run

Month: June, 2016

A Symptom or a Solution

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Not That Bad

[Italics are there to represent another person singing. This song does not work unless it is a duet of sorts.]

I’m counting all the promises
That I have ever made
’cause if I haven’t broken them
I know I will someday.
All I’ve got to do is swim
But all I do is sink
So instead of trying, diving in
I stay up here and think

Darling, don’t you see?
You are better off
With anyone but me.

It’s really not that bad
(I will hold you back)
It’s really not that bad
(with all the things I lack)
I will hear you say
(It’s never going to be okay)
after all
You’re only human
and after all
I am too
after all
What are you doin’?
’cause after all
I love you.

My love, I’m trying everything
But I just can’t seem to change
And even though you say to me
That I can stay the same
I’m scared to death of being me
Of always being sad
But all those things I used to be
Are almost just as bad

Darling, you should go
I’m farther gone than
You could ever know.

It’s really not that bad
(I will hold you back)
It’s really not that bad
(with all the things I lack)
I swear I will stay
It doesn’t have to be okay
’cause after all
You’re only human
’cause after all
I am too
’cause after all
What are you doin’?
’cause after all
I still love you.

I know I haven’t tried that hard
But you’re so close
And I’ve got to go so far
Please, go anywhere
And maybe someday
Soon I’ll meet you there

’cause after all
There’s not a reason
After all
That you have to keep me breathin’
And after all
Hearts change with the seasons
And after all
I cannot keep believin’
In you.

It is that bad
(won’t you please come back?)
It is that bad
(I will become the things I lack)
I tried so hard to say
It doesn’t have to be okay
’cause in the end
I guess you’re fallible
And though I try
There’s only so much I can do
There’s so little time
And all of it is valuable
And I’ve spent
Enough on you

The Sun At Night

Right
there’s something out there
somewhere
like
the sun at night

tired and tuned-out
by a blanket of
selected stars
the chosen few
designated by our
relentless light pollution
leaders
that are allowed
the opportunity
to shine
pale white
across a black backdrop
painted
made of a void
a vacuum
a vicious display
of the smallness
of everything

And looking at this
I see my metaphors fail me
because you are not the stars
you are not the sky
you are not this fabled thing
you are not the sun at night

You are simple words
that I can say easily
you are warmth
you are comfort
and you are, you are feasibly
the best thing
that ever happened to me
even if after all
you are not the sky
you are something I can feel
you are not the sun at night.

Mantra

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

I am not cool.

Solution

I wonder if I’m just pretending
I’m just numbing the pain
Of a wound that will one day open up
And rip blood from my veins
Am I stitching up a cut
Without cleaning the wound
Am I not enough
Or will I not be enough soon?
I’m waiting for the day
I’ll have something to prove
But that isn’t now
And it sure as hell isn’t you
You can’t cure my disease
That’s something I’ve always known
You are only the thread
Of this cut that I’ve sown
I once swore that I’d be
But now I don’t think I can
You are not my belief, you are not my revenge
You are not my romance
They all said it would come
But it never came
They said when I grew up
That everything left would change
But I’m still fucked up
Yeah, I’m still the same
Only washed off the blood
Never bleached-white the stain
So maybe this is it
This is how things will be
In spite of my wants
In spite of my needs
I’ve got so much to lose
But so much still to gain
When I lose it all
Will I at least have someone else to blame?

Death Won’t Bring Friends and Flowers To Your Grave

 

“Caught you wasting away on accolades for songs you wrote,
paralyzed by change,
but scared to death that you might stay the same”